The foundation for good behavior lies in learning three important life skills: reading social situations, managing emotions, and problem-solving abilities. Children with ADHD tend to be deficit in these skills but they can be learned and reinforced with a little help from you and a therapist.

Reading social situations

Reading social situations is critical to helping kids avoid trouble and getting along with others.  If your child can walk into a room, observe what’s happening, and interact appropriately, then he or she has no problem with this skill. If not, you can teach your child how to read social situations by observing people together at a restaurant or mall.  Teach your child the body language and expression of someone who is angry, bored, happy, or frustrated.  Once your child has gotten the hang of identifying other people’s emotions, you can start giving advice on how to deal with people according to their moods.

Managing emotions

The inability to manage emotions is one of the hallmark symptoms of ADHD and one of the reasons why they tend to get into trouble more than their peers.  It’s important for your child to realize that it’s not okay to hit people out of frustration and that it’s not okay to cuss at someone when they’re angry. Kids with ADHD have to learn that while it’s okay to feel upset or angry, this does not mean they can hurt other people.

If your child punches his brother, sit him down and ask, “What was happening that made you think you needed to do that?” Don’t ask how your child felt, because he won’t be able to articulate an answer; instead, as what was going on. You’ll find that the behavior has a self-centered reason – perhaps his brother wouldn’t lend him a video game he wanted to play with, or his brother wouldn’t give up the TV so he can watch his favorite show.

Don’t rely on consequences alone to improve this behavior. If you must use consequences, make sure that they challenge how your child views the situation or you provide your child with options on dealing with the problem in the future. Otherwise, your child will not learn from the experience; in fact, he will probably repeat the same mistake when you’re not looking.

Once you’ve figured out the reason behind your child’s behavior, ask him what he can do next time this happens.  Using this approach encourages your child to come up with healthier ways to cope with his feelings and think of more effective solutions to the problem.

Problem-solving

Sometimes, children who are labeled as “troublemakers” are simply children who have not learned how to solve life’s problems.  When faced with a difficult situation, they turn to ineffective actions like violence or verbal abuse because they don’t know how to handle the problem otherwise.  A key element to helping a child develop better behavior is to teach them problem-solving techniques. Help your child identify problems and discuss possible solutions to it, instead of focusing on what you child is feeling.

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Family vacations are a great opportunity to bond with the children, and with winter break fast approaching you’re probably deciding where to go. But some vacation destinations might not be suitable for kids with ADHD. Long lines at theme park rides and restaurants, rainy days spent in a hotel room, hours in an airplane seat, noise, crowds – these are difficult for anyone, but especially if you’re traveling with someone who has ADHD. Kids with ADHD are very distractible, restless, impatient, and sensitive to bright lights and loud sounds. Although you might have gotten used to helping your child manage these symptoms at home, handling them in a strange new place is a different story. Vacations mean change and if you already had a routine set up for your child, the lack of structure during the trip might make the symptoms return full force.

While there’s no guarantee of a smooth-sailing vacation, planning ahead is one of two keys to having a great time. The other key is to know what your children want – are they more comfortable with quiet surroundings or the bustle of a big city? Do they prefer the ocean or do they flourish in the fresh mountain air?

Choosing a vacation destination

Some kids thrive in a more natural environment. Open fields or a body of water to swim in are a great outlet for pent-up energy. Another reason why trees and fields make good ADHD medicine is that they provide fewer distractions than the bright lights and noise of a city. The tranquility of the great outdoors also relaxes and revitalizes crucial parts of the brain that handle concentration and attention.

However, not all children enjoy the woods. If your child is sensitive to heat, bug bites, and has low stamina, going camping or hiking might not be the best idea.

Wherever you decide to go or whatever you choose to do, just make sure the destination has something that interests your child. Kids with ADHD are bound to enjoy the vacation if they have a hand in planning, and will be more patient and tolerant about getting there.

Tips on traveling with ADHD children

Once you’ve decided where you want to go, try to keep these guidelines in mind so your child’s ADHD symptoms stay under control.

Stay consistent with diets

Vacations may seem like the perfect opportunity to indulge in a sweet treat or two, but the only way to keep symptoms at bay is for your child to stick with his or her diet. You probably noticed that your child is more hyperactive or irritable without the diet, and you certainly don’t want this to happen during the vacation. If your child is intolerant to gluten and casein, stay away from quaint stores that offer baked goods. If your child is on the Feingold diet, keep avoiding foods with artificial additives.

Bring ADHD-friendly snacks

Hungry children tend to be cranky and whiny, but even more so when they have ADHD. Chances are, the restaurants you’ll encounter on the road won’t have many ADHD-friendly foods. For healthy on-the-road snacks, bring a bag of walnuts or dried fruit instead of chips. Don’t forget to pack bottles of water or natural fruit juice in the car with you too.

Familiarize your children

Kids with ADHD may have some fears or anxieties about going to a strange new place. Get them excited about the trip by talking about your destination, how you’ll be getting there, and showing them photos of the vacation spot. If your child feels anxious about riding a plane for the first time, take a drive to the airport. Watch the planes take off and land to show your child how perfectly safe they are.

Maintain the structure

Children with ADHD need predictability and may be stressed or anxious by an overly-spontaneous trip. Stick to regular mealtimes and bedtimes as much as possible; ADHD symptoms won’t improve if they get too little sleep or forget to eat. You don’t have to keep a timetable of each day, but let your child know what activities to expect.

You’re probably familiar with the benefits of meditation for stressed out adults, but have you heard about the ways meditation can help children with ADHD? As an ADHD natural treatment, meditation teaches children to reign in their impulses, provides them with clarity, and helps them recover from the pressures of school. All children need to find ways to center themselves so they can focus, learn discipline, and feel positive about themselves. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your ADHD child could have better focus in the classroom and feel at peace?  Here are a few tips that will show you how to make meditation a part of your ADHD child’s life.

Meditation before bedtime

It’s difficult to get a hyperactive child to sit down and chant “Om”, but you can introduce the principles of meditation by making it a part of your child’s bedtime routine.  Not only will meditation help your child unwind; it will promote restful sleep, which all children with ADHD need. Start by sitting on the floor with a straight spine and hands on the lap, palms up, with the right hand resting above the left. Play soft music to set the mood. Have your child focus his eyes on the top of the nose, a posture that is thought to help break old habits and create newer and more effective ones.  Now, do the breath of fire move by breathing rapidly through the nose, as though you were sniffing very fast. Breaths should be shallow and should go at a steady rhythm. Do this for one to three minutes. This exercise is thought to restore balance between the hemispheres of the brain, which will help the eyes focus on the tip of the nose.

Meditation upon rising

Another way to introduce meditation is to spend a few minutes sitting quietly each morning before starting the day. Save this technique for the summer or winter breaks, as it will be near impossible to do this during hectic school-day mornings. As with the bedtime meditation, sit on the floor cross-legged, palms touching. Take slow breaths in the nose, then out the mouth.  Stay this way for about five minutes before getting up to start the day. Remind your child that he or she can always return to this position whenever life becomes too overwhelming or stressful.

Meditate with other children

If you are part of an ADHD support group, why not plan meditation activity with other kids?  Look for a peaceful, quiet venue and have the kids sit on the floor. With relaxing music playing in the background, have everyone experience a few minutes of silence. You can also purchase a guided meditation tape for kids and play this during the session. Afterwards, the kids can enjoy a more energetic activity, such as a ball game in the park.

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Does your ADHD child have a habit of cutting you off in mid-sentence? Do you find it difficult to carry a conversation on the phone or with your spouse because of constant interruptions? Interrupting is a common behavior among kids with ADHD because they have a hard time keeping their impulses in check and censoring what they say. But just because this behavior occurs naturally, it doesn’t mean that it’s right, nor does it become any less annoying! Here are some ADHD parenting tips on dealing with kids who interrupt.

It’s rude to interrupt

Children with ADHD should be old enough to understand that it’s rude to interrupt two people talking.  Remind your child about this, and explain that conversations involve a speaker and a listener. Two people cannot speak at the same time – otherwise, no one would be understood.  Emphasize that it’s important to listen to what other people say before bringing your own thoughts into the conversation.

Ignore your child

Discourage your child’s penchant for interrupting you simply by ignoring him or her. The most effective thing you can do at the moment is to look your child in the eye and calmly say, “Don’t interrupt until I’m done talking.” This should stop the behavior immediately; if not, simply turn and walk away, or resume your conversation. Practice this consistently and your child will be less likely to interrupt your next conversation.

Teach impulse control

Work with your child’s doctor or teacher and come up with ways to help them manage urges and impulses.  Doing so will not only prevent your child from interrupting conversations, but it will avoid other problems caused by impulsivity.   One technique that works on young kids is to use a timer and make a game of it – tell your child that he or she can’t speak until the timer goes off.

Be a role model

Children still learn best by imitating their parents, and one of the best ways to change bad habits is to avoid them yourself.  Make sure you do not interrupt your child or others, and apologize when you do.

We’re familiar with how children with ADHD are supposed to behave. If they have ADHD hyperactive type, they’ll be bouncing off the walls, while those with ADHD inattentive type never seem to hear a word you say. However, children with ADHD can sometimes display behaviors that aren’t listed in the diagnostic criteria.  They are picky eaters who can’t stand certain smells or textures.  Dressing them up can be a real challenge; they can’t stand athletic socks, pants with elastic waistbands, or certain fabrics.  At night, they have trouble sleeping because the slightest sliver of light penetrates their lids. The list goes on.

Research suggests that many children with ADHD experience such hypersensitivities because of the underlying neurological issues of the disorder can trigger problems with sensory processing. They stay away from sensory stimulation like touch, light, or sound because they get overwhelmed by these sensations. When they get over-stimulated, they may react by throwing tantrums and displaying other troublesome behaviors.

The good news is that occupational therapy and desensitization techniques can help children overcome these sensory problems. Meanwhile, you can prevent sensory meltdowns by managing your child’s hypersensitivities.

Sounds

• Use white noise to block out unpleasant noises while studying or trying to sleep.
• If your child is hypersensitive to specific sounds like ambulance sirens or the crack of thunder, you can desensitize him or her by playing these sounds at soft levels. Do so while your child is doing an activity he or she enjoys.  Gradually raise the volume until your child gets used to it and no longer fears the sound.

Clothing

• Don’t force your child to wear clothes and fabrics he or she cannot stand. Accept the fact that you child can only wear certain types of clothes. Go shopping together so that your child can pick out the fabrics and styles he or she feels comfortable in.
• Once you find clothes your child likes, buy duplicate pieces in different colors, so you can have back-ups.

Visual stimuli

• Have your child wear a hat or cap pulled over the eyes to minimize visual distractions.
• Wearing sunglasses can help reduce visual overstimulation, especially on sunny days.
• When going to crowded places like amusement parks, take a few breaks away from the action so your child can calm down.

Food and oral stimuli

• Oral hypersensitivities can make oral hygiene difficult to achieve.  Give your child a child-sized toothbrush and toothpaste with a gentle taste.
• Prepare food in other shapes or textures than what is traditionally served. For instance, you can puree vegetables and add them to soup, or crumble meatloaf into chunks.

Smells

• Use fragrance-free laundry detergents
• Use organic bath and personal care products, as they do not contain harsh fragrances that can irritate the senses
• Avoid burning scented candles or incense indoors

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“What toys should I buy for my ADHD child?” This is one of the most common questions parents ask from experts, especially during Christmas or birthdays.  Kids with ADHD need the right kind of toys that allow them to express themselves. The tricky part is making sure they find these toys stimulating and exciting; otherwise, these presents end up gathering dust at the back of a closet.  Generally speaking, simple toys that encourage pretend play and artistic ability are enough to capture the imagination of kids with ADHD.  These Christmas gift ideas for kids with ADHD feature some toys they will surely love playing with.

Playhouses

A playhouse or play tent is a great way to stimulate a child’s imagination.  Even if it’s just a sheet stretched over the living room furniture, ADHD kids enjoy using this space to make up scenarios or role-play.  A playhouse is also a great way to get your child to play with others and develop socialization skills.  It might be more practical to just get an actual playhouse or play tent; aside from being more durable, this can also double as a storage space for your child’s toys.

Blocks

A basic set of building blocks is a favorite of kids of all ages.  Not only do building blocks stimulate a child’s imagination as they stack them up to create structures; they also improve problem-solving skills as a child discovers how mixing and matching produces different shapes.  Building blocks are also very practical, versatile, and durable; if kept well, they can service many generations of children.

Art supplies

Art supplies are probably the most inexpensive and easy-to-find presents you can buy.  Clay, paint, chalk, or crayons provide a child with a wealth of opportunities for creative self-expression.   Simply place a piece of paper on a table or tack a giant paper billboard and let your child go wild with colors and different media. Just make sure that the furniture or the wall is well-covered and protected from spills and accidents.

Puppets and dolls

Puppets and dolls are a great way for a child to act out different roles, character voices, and develop their storytelling skills.  You can get a puppet theater set and encourage your child to prepare skits for the family to enjoy.  It might help if you join your child in creating a skit, as your direction will provide more structure to the activity and keep your child interested longer.

Toys to avoid

If you want to make sure your presents get played with, avoid buying toys like elaborate puzzles, complex construction sets, and complicated board game.  Younger kids with ADHD may not understand the rules or instructions of these games, while older kids may not have the patience to spend hours playing with them.  Not to mention that kids with ADHD may lose some of the smaller pieces of these games.  Kids with ADHD can still play with board games and puzzles, but just make sure they have familiar shapes or uncomplicated rules.

Well-meaning relatives, friends, and magazine articles have probably given you lots of advice on how to parent your ADHD child.  However, the so-called “rules” of good parenting don’t always work, especially when many of these techniques are only fads. Here are the five most ineffective ADHD parenting approaches and how you can make them work for your child.

Building your child’s self-esteem will improve behavior

One of the most prevalent theories today is that if a child with ADHD feels good about himself or herself, then any behavioral problems this child might experience will go away.  While this might work in theory, the problem is when parents make it easy for their child to develop high self-esteem. Maybe they ask the teacher to go easy on their ADHD child, or they praise their child endlessly. However, self-esteem does not come from empty praise; rather, it is earned from doing things that are difficult, or things that your child can feel proud of.  In order to give your child healthy self-esteem, teach him or her to solve problems and how to function well.  Start by giving your child more responsibility at home, and then have them work their way up to bigger tasks.

Talking about feelings calms down an angry child

Whenever your ADHD child acts out, you first reaction is probably to ask why he is upset. The theory is that if your child understands what he is feeling, your child will calm down and have control over his behavior. Unfortunately, upset children are not very good at reflecting about their feelings, and children with ADHD often don’t have the vocabulary to express why they are upset.  Instead of asking your child why he’s upset, teach him the appropriate ways to express his feelings.  The goal is not to help your child understand what he feels, but to make your child understand the proper ways to behave regardless of what they feel.

Children with ADHD need different standards

It’s tempting for parents and teachers to uphold ADHD children to different standards so they don’t have an even harder time than they already do.  However, this is probably the worst thing any parent can do to their ADHD child. When your child turns 18 and enters the real world, no one will care what disorder your child has.  If your child cannot perform well and get along with others, he is going to fall behind.  While children with ADHD may not have the same academic proficiency as other children, they still have to be proficient in meeting behavioral expectations, performance expectations, and following cultural norms.  Instead of making it easy for your child, help him learn to be accountable and responsible for his behavior and performance.

It’s just a teenage phase

Adolescents and teens may sometimes experiment with dangerous behaviors like drugs, alcohol, or violence.  For many teens with ADHD, however, these aren’t just phases. They might start out as things they just want to try, but they end up getting used to the behavior as a coping mechanism to the stress or frustration they experience.   Make it clear that doing drugs and drinking alcohol are high-risk activities, not only because they’ll get into trouble with the law, but because they’ll impair your child’s judgment and ability to solve problems. The good news is that teens whose ADHD symptoms have been managed at an early age are less likely to engage in these high-risk behaviors.

Punishment has to hurt

Dealing with a misbehaving child with ADHD can be very frustrating, especially if they repeat the same mistakes.  It’s not uncommon for parents to feel the need to implement a bigger and harsher punishment in order to get through to their child. However, punishment does not translate into better behavior unless your child learns from it.  Instead of just grounding your child, give your child consequences with a learning experience – remove a privilege or impose an unpleasant task until your child performs a desired behavior. For instance, you want your child to treat his brother with respect. So say to your child, “You can’t use the PlayStation unless you don’t cuss at or hit your brother for 24 hours.”

The holidays are a great time to catch up with family members you haven’t seen, enjoy good food, and simply relax for a couple of hours. That is, assuming that your ADHD child will behave. In the typical family gathering, adults usually gather together in one room while the kids play in another. Although you try your best to pay attention to the relatives you’re talking to, you’re also alert for any signs of trouble. After all, you don’t want family members to judge your ADHD parenting skills or assume that your child is in the middle of any trouble that might happen. Here are some tips you can use to help manage your child’s ADHD symptoms and make your holiday family gatherings fun and tantrum-free.

Mange your child’s expectations

You have been in many of these family gatherings and have more or less a good idea of what to expect. Remind your child about who will be there and which cousins will be around to play. Let your child know what behaviors are acceptable – greet all your relatives, say thank you when someone gives you gifts, take turns with your cousins.
Use the same discipline methods

Consistency is the key to disciplining a child with ADHD. Use the same discipline methods whether you are at home, at the supermarket, or in a relative’s house. That way, your child knows what to expect when he or she steps out of line. For instance, if you have a time-out corner at house, ask the party host if you can use a spare bedroom as the time-out room if your child misbehaves. Doing so will also keep you from causing a scene, as you can talk to your child in private instead of at the party, where all guests can hear.

Be proactive

Don’t wait for your child to get extremely hyperactive or cause a tantrum. Every hour or half hour, check the children’s room and see how everyone is getting along. If you see your child starting to act out, take him or her out of the room for a few minutes – not to discipline, but to help him or her calm down. Chances are, your child might be overstimulated by the activities going on inside; taking a break from the chaos can help him or her quiet down and be ready to play in a few minutes. And if your child is behaving well, let him or her know – positive reinforcement is the best way to encourage proper behavior.

News of children dying due to an overdose of ADHD medications and antipsychotics have made more parents aware about the issue of using such drugs to “cure” behavioral problems in children.  While these tragic occurrences show the most extreme outcome of the issue, they serve as a good reminder of the decisions parents must face, especially when their children receives the ADHD diagnosis.  Should you medicate your child in the hopes of getting good behavior? Here is a straightforward look at what these stimulants can do to your child.

It’s common for parents to turn to doctors when their children exhibit out-of-control behaviors they cannot explain.  They often breathe a sigh of relief when their child gets diagnosed with a psychological condition like ADHD or childhood depression. Now that you know what’s wrong and that there are medications available for it, your child will get all better, right?

Unfortunately, a receiving a diagnosis and prescription is not a complete solution to your child’s problems. In fact, pharmaceutical drugs targeted at behavioral improvements are a shot in the dark at best.  At worst, they cause nasty side effects that exacerbate the symptoms of the behavior or introduce new health problems; stimulant medications, for instance, cause cardiovascular complications in children if taken at high doses.   While certain drugs have been considered effective for specific disorders, keep in mind that the medicine that works for one child may not work on another.  You may have to go through a period of trial and error, which will require a lot of patience and time.

The matter of receiving diagnosis is also a problematic one, especially when it comes to children. Many health conditions share the same symptoms of ADHD and require treatments that have nothing to do with psychoactive medications.  It’s easy to misdiagnose ADHD and get treated for a condition that they don’t have, which does nothing to relieve the behavioral problems they experience.

The bottom line is that such medications aren’t designed to improve behavior in children. What they can do for your child is to restore balance to some brain chemicals that may be deficit, prolonging your child’s attention span or allowing them to gain better control of their impulses. Kids who exhibit behavioral problems turn to their “fight or flight” response when they feel threatened, and often pick “fight”. ADHD medications don’t change this tendency, but it may give your child more time to assess the situation and choose a different outcome.

The important thing is this: regardless of whether or not a child takes medication for ADHD, behavioral problems are best addressed by creating structured environments where appropriate behavior can be taught.  In order to function well in school and at home, kids need to learn problem-solving skills and coping skills. You can start by formulating make a behavior plan with your child’s doctor to be implemented at home. Create a routine, make expected behaviors clear, and enforce limits. Give your child incentives to behave well and provide positive reinforcement when he or she cooperates.

If you have decided to medicate your child, do manage your expectations about their effects. ADHD medications can help your child focus and calm down, but working with your child is the only way to overcome behavioral issues.

Once again, ADHD is a hot topic in the news.  Last week, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) National Conference took place in Boston, and unveiled a surprising new set of guidelines for diagnosing and treating ADHD.  There were a number of changes, but the one that sparked a bit of controversy is that the AAP now permits the ADHD diagnosis among children as young as 4 and as old as 18. While there is nothing wrong with extending the age limit upward, the new recommendation to diagnose down to age 4 is very disturbing.

As I’ve discussed throughout this website, what we call “ADHD” is a constellation of problems that represent imbalances in the body and mind.  These problems are the result of complex causes – exposure to toxins, food allergies, complications during pregnancy, or poor sleeping habits.

Children who have difficulties behaving in school or making friends are often brought to doctors to get evaluated for ADHD.  There, the doctors examine if the symptoms meet the diagnostic criteria. But instead of invoking the name of ADHD, a better question to ask would be, “What is going on with this child, and what steps can we take to make things better?”  By assuming ADHD right off the bat, curiosity about the meaning and causes of the behavior ends.

There are indeed children who cannot regulate their behavior and require treatment for it. But receiving an ADHD diagnosis is not the only way to give your child the help he or she needs, especially if this “treatment” is primarily made of the medication, “parent training”, and “behavior training” recommended by the AAP.  There are other ways to help a hyperactive child and his or her family; for instance, treatments like neurofeedback teach a child to control his or her capacity to self-regulate.  One does not need to get the ADHD diagnosis to receive this kind of help.

It is worth noting that children under the age 6 receive the most benefit out of these natural ADHD treatments.  At this age, the brain is most elastic and receptive to change. Additionally, these children do not experience the academic concerns that begin during first grade. When a child starts falling behind in school, the pressure to medicate increases as the child’s self-esteem plummets and the parents grow worried about his or her future.

Finally, current studies indicate that when the number of ADHD diagnosis increases, so do prescriptions of ADHD medications. When you consider the side effects of stimulants, the implementation of these new guidelines become a very worrisome development indeed.